Time Passed

 

 

Seconds, minutes and hours all feel the same,

Because no matter how much time passes I always feel shame.

Days, weeks, months and years,

Jumble together to hide all my fears.

Numbness takes over to hide all the pain,

Lack of emotion is what keeps me sane.

Avoidance is the name of the game.

I want to stand up and figure it out,

Clean out my cranium and lose some doubt.

But pressure keeps me standing in place,

It has gotten to the point where the mirror doesn't recognize my face.

My eyes hazed over, the green turned to brown.

The dim light of consciousness is burning out.

My soul is dying and leaving me here,

Because I have lived a life where I have faced all my fears. 

Addicted

Too much control I've allowed it to take,
The thought of going without makes me fear I will break.
Mentally enslaved, left always wanting more,
Somehow I have allowed the devil to walk through my door.
My mind has been manipulated, the fear holds me in place.
But I realize the high is nothing but a chase.
The jealousy I feel that you are now clean,
I swear it makes me more of a fiend.
How do I fix this with my mind clouded with doubt.
I want to live my life going without.
The strength I will find, but I hope it comes soon,
Because the path I am on will lead me doomed.
James take my hand and show me the way.
Show me your strength and carry me through,
I am so sorry my recovery replies solely on you.

Small Confession

I know I can be unreasonable and crazy at times,
I know there are moments when I've crossed the line.
The words that I spoke, out of self anger and guilt are nothing but lies,
And I will do anything and everything to make that clear in your eyes.
No words can make up for the things that I've said,
But my actions will prove that I will never lose my head again.
I hope you truly know how much you mean to me,
For the first in my life my soul feels free,
I dream about our future and all the happiness to come,
There is not a doubt in my mind that any obstacle we will overcome.

I look forward to my forever with you,
The love in my heart is nothing but true.

Those who wander are not lost

Overwhelming emotions, not sure what to do,
Which way is up, which way is down, I'm just trying to get through.
No, I am not depressed, I am far from that you see,
It is only confusion which lingers inside of me.
A lover so sweet, a family so true,
If only I could figure out what I need to do.
Just have to make a plan, steps one, two and three,
And let destiny and fate lead me to where I am meant to be.
Count my blessings and pray to God, He is the only one who nows whats in store,
Put one front in front of the other, walk the path thats made for me,
Eventually I shall meet my loved ones at Gods door.

Jimmy T

To listen to you breathe brings comfort to my soul,
Your inhaling and exhaling plays a perfect song.
The quiet moans here and there,
Give me comfort to know you're there.
The warmth of your body is the blanket to my heart,
Keeping me warm and giving me comfort of a fresh start.
Your arms wrapped around me, give me confidence deep inside,
Your steady breathe upon my neck makes me melt inside.
It is you that brings all my dreams so vividly alive.
No time spent with you will ever be enough,
Because when you're away my body craves your touch,
The butterflies I feel whenever you are near,
Remove all negative emotions such as sadness and fear.
I could never thank you enough for make me feel whole,
You're the other half of me that completes my soul.
I am sorry love poems tend to be cliche,
But the love I have for you gives me too much to say.
Please never change who you are and what you're all about,
Because you're perfect in my eyes I say that without a doubt.

Growth

I look in the mirror and you ask what I see,
A disfigured image that is now me.
A piece of my heart that went with Zeke,
Has made me vulnerable and sometimes weak.
The chemicals I take show through my eyes,
Keeping them dilated to an abnormal size.
The dreams that I've had are too vivid and real,
I'd rather take drugs to numb how I feel.
Avoidance is the path that I take,
It allows me to open and close my hearts pearly gates.
I hope and I dream someday I will be fine,
And maybe be able to read through the lines.
The man of my dreams has opened in my heart,
I finally feel excited for a fresh start.
Our souls are connected and intertwined,
He has given me the love I have been dying to find.
Chemicals no longer needed, I love how I feel,
He has opened my heart, my feelings are real.
Thank you God for sending me a man who can heal,
I no longer have any pain to conceal.

Your Addiction

Heroin, you've let her win,

she has taken over your life.

Your wife, your kids, your family and friends,

they're all become your second choice.

The high is too strong, the drug has won.

Your eyes are sunken, your skin too pale,

the mirror shows how you have failed.

You work to play or so you say,

but death is creeping closer every day.

Too much time has passed, it is now too late.

Always sorry, promising to change,

but your addiction to the high, now has you chained.

We've done everything in our power to help,

but you keep burning bridges to do it yourself.

I hope that you know, you're always in my heart,

it has always been that way, right from the start.